sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
