She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
