I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
