So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
