he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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