I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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