we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
