I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
