piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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