so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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