Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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