chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
