Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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