there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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