@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
