my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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