R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I looked at my own cervix.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
