I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She bit a glass in half.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
