I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
