He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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