But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
