I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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