Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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