According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
