I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
