Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We are two peas in an std pod
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
