do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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