i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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