So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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