Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
