she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
