So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
