The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
