Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's always time for handjobs
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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