:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
