drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
