The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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