I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
