whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
