My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
