I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
