You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
