k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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