I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
True college students do jello shots in the library
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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