If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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