And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
why does every cop we meet know your name?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
