Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
