So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
