i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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