Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
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I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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