You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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