Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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