Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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