Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
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Slut skills are useful in every country.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize