Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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