Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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