FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
