Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
