My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
