I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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