He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
