He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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