Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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